Cassandra Syndrome Screener (CS-RIDS-24)

You are not crazy, and you are not alone.

This is a free, confidential 24-question screener for people in neurodiverse relationships whose own experience has stopped feeling real to them. It takes about five minutes and gives you a total score plus four subscale scores.

What Cassandra syndrome describes

The name comes from Cassandra, who was given the gift of prophecy and the curse that nobody would believe her. It describes what happens to a partner who keeps saying something is wrong and keeps being told, in one way or another, that it is not.

That experience is common in neurodiverse relationships, and it is corrosive precisely because it is invisible. From the outside the relationship often looks fine. Friends and family may see a decent, hard-working partner and wonder what you are complaining about. Therapists who do not work with neurodiverse couples may not recognise the pattern either. After enough years of that, most people stop trusting their own account of their own life. This screener exists to give that account back to you in a form you can look at.

Who this screener is for

Anyone in a neurodiverse relationship who recognises the feeling of not being believed — whether or not your partner has a diagnosis, and whether or not you have ever used the word Cassandra about yourself.

It does not ask you to blame anyone, and it does not ask you to decide anything about your relationship. It asks about your experience, which is the part that has usually gone unmeasured.

What it measures

Four areas, scored separately, so you can see where the weight is actually falling. On this screener a higher score means more distress.

Relational distress

How connected or isolated you feel inside the relationship, and whether disagreements reach a resolution or simply cycle. High scores here describe profound isolation, needs that go unmet for long stretches, and trust that has been worn down rather than broken in one event.

Identity erosion

Whether you still have a sense of who you are outside the relationship — your own interests, goals, confidence and judgement. This is the subscale people are most often surprised by. Identity tends to go quietly: first the hobbies, then the opinions, then the certainty that you are remembering things correctly.

Communication

Whether you feel heard, or whether conversations circle without landing and you find yourself over-explaining the same thing in different words. At the high end this includes coming out of conversations doubting your own memory of what was said.

Coping and resilience

What you have left in reserve, and who you have around you. High scores describe emotional exhaustion, a sense of powerlessness, declining mental health and the kind of paralysis where you can see the problem clearly and still cannot act on it. This subscale matters most, because it is the one that determines what you are able to do with everything the others tell you.

How it works

Twenty-four statements on a five-point scale, about five minutes, answered privately. Nothing is timed and there are no right answers.

At the end you see your total, your four subscale scores, and a plain explanation of each one. You can have a copy emailed to you, and if you are working with a therapist you can have it sent to them as well. Your responses are confidential.

What your score means

The total runs from 24 to 120 and falls into three ranges.

A total of 24 to 56 — little or mild distress

You largely feel secure, disagreements tend to get resolved, and your sense of yourself is intact. If you came to this screener because something still does not feel right, take the score as information rather than as a verdict — it has measured four things, not everything.

A total of 57 to 88 — moderate distress

Recognisable cycles of frustration, strain that persists underneath, confidence that comes and goes, and more self-questioning than you would like. This is the most common range, and it is the range where support changes the trajectory most — before exhaustion sets in and while you still have reserves to work with.

A total of 89 to 120 — severe distress

Deep isolation, a sense of self that has been substantially eroded, conversations that leave you doubting your own perception, and reserves that are largely gone. If your score is here, the most important thing to know is that this is a recognised pattern with a recognised way out, and that being at this point says nothing about your character or your capability. Please do not try to carry it alone from here.

What this screener is not

This screener is for informational and self-reflection purposes only. It is not a diagnostic instrument and it does not replace professional mental health guidance.

It also cannot tell you what to do about your relationship. It measures how you are doing, not what you should decide, and a high score is not an instruction any more than a low one is a reassurance. That decision stays yours.

What to do next

Whatever your score, the single most useful thing is usually to be understood by someone who already knows this pattern and does not need it explained from scratch. You can read more on our learn pages, follow the healing path, or work towards clarity about where things stand.

You can also browse our other self-discovery tools, read our frequently asked questions, meet our team, or get started when you are ready.